Fat’s Note to Self: Don’t Burn Me!

I’m your lovely stomach flab and I have a quick message for you: you asked for me, remember? After all that eating and loafing we’ve done, I’m feeling really, really good right now. I don’t want you to lose 20 pounds.

I love hanging over your belt as well as all the attention I get from your coworkers: they can’t keep their eyes away.You feed me so well, I believe its time for you to upgrade your clothes to a bigger size, not a better brand.

At the rate you’re going, I’m planning on expanding quite a bit.Those intervals you’ve been reading about… you don’t want to do that.

Talk about bad dreams: I’ve dreamt that you were doing intervals and I literally got burned!

I feel a lot more comfortable while you do that tratitional aerobic routine like yours: I get to relax and I like watching TV. Actually, none of my buddies in your body mind you doing cardio at all, so go for it. I’m glad you stay away from that weight loss forum too.

You made the best choice by listenting to those people who say strength exercises don’t burn fat. I think they are right! Those super sets you tried a while back had me worried: I thought I was going to have to take a hike. Thanks for quitting.

You’re doing a great job now that you lift silverware rather than dumbbells. Ha! If you kept lifting, I’d be gone by now!

I’ve been wondering what you’re life used to be without me: did you really like showing yourself off at the shore? I guess not.While you’re spending the summer all covered up and snacking while we keep up with your television shows, we’re going to have a really good time.While you’re getting me another cold one, let me ask you something: are you afraid to share me with all your friends? You act like you don’t want me to meet them.

Always yours, Ab Fat. I’m not afraid of rapid weight loss.